Death by Comfort-Cide
I want to talk about death.
Not physical death mind you, more of a metaphorical death. But death all the same.
I call it Death by Comfort-cide.
You see, there are two main reasons why people make big moves and create lives they really love:
- They have a larger than life vision for themselves that they’re psyched about.
- They’ve experienced so much pain and anxiety and stuck-ness that they finally hit bottom and decide to do something about it.
In both of these cases, there’s a clear and powerful motivation that catalyzes people to become the creators of their own joyful, rich, exciting, 10/10 lives.
But there’s a much larger majority that get stuck in what I would call the “murky middle.”
These are the people who don’t have an exciting vision pulling them upwards, or, enough pain pulling them down (and then up).
These are the people who settle for 5s, 6s, and 7s in their life.
- They settle for the job that’s not all that fulfilling, that pays them okay, a job they can block out with a beer and some TV.
- They settle for the relationship where neither person is all that happy, but it’s just easier to stay together and pretend.
- They settle for a relationship with themselves, their bodies, their emotions that is surface level, where they get to be the victim, and don’t have to address their insecurities or traumas or fears.
To me, this is a death sentence: Death by Comfort-cide.
What’s dying is the fully-expressed, authentic, full-out, out-loud, exciting, thriving, 10/10, one in a million life they could have had.
- The one where they craft a career or business that is an direct reflection of their innate gifts and talents, where they’re doing work that is fulfilling and impactful and pays them well.
- The one where they create partnership that is perfect for them, that challenges them, excites them, enthralls them, brings out the best in them, and gives them a soft place to land.
- The one where they build a relationship with themselves that is literally divine, where they’ve addressed their core wounds, they give themselves unconditional love, and boldly honor their needs and desires.
And while there are some people will live their entire lives at 6s and 7s, the trick here is that this concept actually applies to everyone.
All of us get caught in the murky middle somewhere, at some point.
We tell ourselves that we can’t actually have it all, that it’s unrealistic to shoot for a 10/10 across the board.
We tell ourselves: “don’t be silly, don’t be selfish. Life can’t be that good all the time.”
Yes. It can.
We just tell ourselves it’s not possible because it’s more comfortable to believe that we’re unworthy and incapable of an exemplary life, than it is to face the fears stopping us and to do the inner work that would make that exemplary life possible.
…Death by Comfort-cide.
I know for me, I struggled with the idea that I could have a business that worked, and get to take care of myself at the same time. I was settling for a 6 in my well-being and my business, when I really wanted a 10.
It wasn’t until I addressed the underlying fear (efforting hard is what makes people like me. If I stop efforting, people will leave me) that I was able to break away from the 6 and move towards the 10.
So, wherever you find yourself on the spectrum, don’t despair!
The beautiful part here is that a 10/10, having it all, is available to everyone.
It just requires you to decide that you’re more committed to your growth than to your comfort, and to decide that you’re willing to do whatever inner work is necessary to make it happen.
Because ultimately, you are, and will forever be, the creator of your own life.
An activity to get your 10/10 ball rolling:
- What does a 10/10 life look like for you? Think work, relationships, hobbies, money, etc.
- What circumstances or roadblocks are keeping you from attaining that?
- What needs to happen for you to move these circumstances and roadblocks out of the way? Take FULL responsibility here. Anything you’re a victim to is a thing that can’t be changed.
- By when will you do that? Notice if you’re resistant to actually doing something about it.